Parents of Twins spend their lives inside what feels like a tumble dryer. They are left spinning at the mercy of their twins and their schedule is based around washing and drying cycles.
Parents react in one of two ways when they realise they are having twins. The optimists say ” Yes, this is amazing” and the pessimists say ” oh shit, what do we do now”. The optimists that said “Yes, this is amazing” do so for about 6 months, then reality kicks in.
The optimists slowly but methodically get worn down and become the pessimists(realists). Twins are notorious for using the same torture techniques as history’s tyrant regimes – sleep deprivation, hard labour and malnutrition. It is not long before the “Yes, this is amazing” parents become “oh shit, what do we do now” parents.
Here’s 6 Scary Truths All Parent of Twins Will Relate To
1.Parents of Twins Houses Looks Like A Bomb Has Hit Them
Parents of Twins need a cleaner. If you are like my wife(and most women) you will clean up before the cleaner comes. This makes no sense to me. It is like cutting your hair before going to get your hair cut.
When the cleaner comes, the place will look great…. for about 4 hours. After the 4 hours are up your twins will go apeshit and destroy the place. Twins are smart. They use teamwork to pry open every nook and cranny of your home. Your attempts to keep things clean are futile. If there are areas that are off limits then they will find a way to make them on limits.
Twins cleverly focus on things that make the most mess. They spread every morsel of food, paper or whatever they find to every corner of your home. Leave them in any room alone for an hour and it will look like a bomb has hit it.
2. Parents of Twins Have No Life
Before you had twins you lived a foot lose and fancy-free life. You could do whatever you wanted whenever you wanted. Now that you have twins you have no life. Your life is solely focused on making sure your little ones live. You have no energy or ability to do anything else.
Going to the supermarket is the extent of your social interaction with the outside World. That chat with the checkout lady is your weekly fix of human contact. Your lack of social contact has turned you into a recluse and there is nothing that you can do about it.
3.Parents of Twins Have No Friends
Parents of Twins once had a social network that was vast and expansive. There were 50 people in your phone that you could call anytime to have some fun. Now, you have your partner and maybe your mum for company. All of your friends have deserted you as you have no time for them anymore. It doesn’t matter, they don’t understand you anymore anyway.
4.Mount Laundry Is Insurmountable For Parents of Twins
Twins are the leas environmentally friendly form of humans. When you have twins, on average, you will have to do between 3-6 washes per day. That averages out to 2-3 hours of laundry per day, every day. That is about 21 hours per week, more than most part-time jobs. The mountain of laundry is insurmountable. All you can do is keep trying make dent on the washing but don’t ever think the laundry basket will be empty. You will just be disappointed.
5.Cooking is impossible For Parents of Twins
Cooking is impossible for parents of Twins. As you try to manoeuvre around the kitchen they will follow you, tug on your leg and do their best to stop you cooking. They will also cry impatiently as they want to eat whatever you are cooking immediately.
The solution is not to cook or to cook meals that take less than 5-minute meals. Jamie Oliver, if you are reading, I think you should write a 5 minute meal book for parents of twins.
6.Parent of Twins Envy Parents With Only One Child.
Do you have one kid? If the answer is yes then your life is easy. On the rare occasion when someone has minded one of our children I thought ” shit, this is easy”. One kid and two parents is really no challenge. Two kids and two parents or two kids and one parent is when things really start getting interesting.
When you see parents with one kid walking down the street you scowl at how easy they have it. One mouth to feed, one nappy to change, one baby crying these are just some of the reasons that having one child is so easy. You parents of singletons we are very jealous of how easy our life is.
Parent of Twins have the hardest job in the World. That is if you exclude parents of triplets, quadruplets or even octuplets. More multiples must be nuts. Having twins is 10 times harder than having one baby. Having Twins is comparable to measuring earthquakes on the Richter scale.
Having one kid is like an earthquake with a magnitude of 5. Everybody feels it and a few shelves may shake. Having twins is like a level 7 on the Richter scale. It will knock over trees and damage buildings. Although it is only two points on the scale it is actually 100 times more destructive.