What do I do if my partner is pushing me away? Infertility affects everybody differently. I was recently talking to one of my readers and she told me that her wife keeps pushing her away. It does not matter if you are gay or straight, a man or a woman, or a single parent, infertility treatment is hard for us all.
Not everyone copes with the stress well. There are not many things more stressful than assisted reproduction. There are so many variables both physical and mental that can put tremendous strain on your relationship. There is so much hope with each round of treatment and so much pain when it fails.
It’s Common That My Partner Is Pushing Me Away?
It is very common for a wife to push her husband away when they are going through IVF treatment. When we went through IVF treatment Olivia and I argued constantly. The stress got to us and we said very cruel things to each other.
In hindsight, I do not blame Olivia for the things that she said to me. I also do not regret how I handled the whole situation. It was part of our IVF learning curve. If we had not been through those horrific times we would not be as strong as we are now.
While I do not regret how I reacted, if I went through it all again, I would have taken a different approach when Olivia pushed me away. There were many times when she said a hurtful remarks and I overreacted.
What To Do I Differently If My Partner is Pushing Me Away.
Instead of reacting badly when my pride was hurt, I should have taken a moment to breath and understand why she was acting that way. Her attacks were not really against me. She was feeling deep emotional pain and it made her say things that she did not mean.
The fights we had during IVF treatment taught me to be more understanding and put myself in her shoes. You can use the fights that you have during infertility to understand each other better. To learn from the fights you have to look at the arguments from your partners point of view.
It is natural to go on the defensive when someone says something that hurts you. It is hard to do, but instead of thinking of yourself, think of your partner. Why are they saying what they are saying? Is it because they are hurting and they don’t know any other way to express their emotions.
The best way that I have found to deal with an argument is to try and understand the other person. Instead of lashing out or saying something that you regret, give them a hug and tell them that you will get through this together.
It takes a brave man to not think about himself in an argument. When your pride is dented, don’t take it literally. Try to use empathy and sympathise with the other persons needs instead.
Final Thoughts On What To Do If Your Partner Pushes You Away
When you turn fights into a chance to understand the other persons needs you can usually resolve the issues pretty quickly. IVF is hard enough as it is without adding unresolved fights into the mix. Do everything in your power to listen to your partner and get through it as a team.
I highly recommend the book Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg for any couples that are fighting a lot during IVF Treatment.
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