Everybody knows somebody that is affected by infertility. 1 in 8 couples are suffering and many of them in silence. Two years ago, my wife and I were in the grips of an infertility nightmare. Our second IVF attempt was a failure and we had hit rock bottom.
My wife longed a family and my infertility was taking her dreams away from her. We tired everything but we could not fill the void of not being able to have children. We were constantly reminded that we were not able to have children. Everyday we would see happy parents posting pictures on social media and it caused us to feel jealous and inadequate.
Most couples that are coping with infertility keep it to themselves. Infertility is embarrassing and difficult to talk about. It is only now that I have been through the infertility mill and have two beautiful babies that I can talk openly about it.
One piece of advice that I have for future Mother’s and Father’s is don’t give up on fertility treatment. Perseverance is key if you want to have a family. If you have friends or family members that are infertile then you need to support them on their journey.
5 Ways To Help Infertile Women.
1Be Open To Talk And By Talk I mean LISTEN
Women that are going through IVF deal with it in two ways. They either want to talk about it or they bottle it up. For those that want to share their struggles, lend them an ear. It’s good to talk and it can be very therapeutic. Let them do the talking and you can just listen. Unless you have been through infertility or IVF don’t give advice as your answers will be useless.
2Don’t give solutions
When you do talk, or should I say listen, then don’t give solutions. A woman that is trying to conceive does not want to hear what some friend of a friend did, or what you read in a gossip magazine about the latest fertility craze. You just need to listen and be there for her.
Never judge a woman that is coping with infertility. Infertility is disease that affects a lot of us. Do not tell her that it is her fault because she smoked, stresses out too much or drank a lot when she was younger. Listen to her issues without passing judgement.
4Be understanding but don’t pretend you understand
Being there for her means putting yourself in her shoes. Understand that this could be the hardest time of her life and she needs you more than ever. Being understanding is the best way for her to open up about her struggles. Unless you have dealt with infertility don’t pretend you understand, you don’t. It is 1000 times harder than you think it is.
5Don’t give the cliche stock answers
This drove me crazy while we were going through IVF treatment. People, even your closest friends and family, say some dumb shit when you are going through IVF. Here are some of the stupid things that people say to women that are struggling to conceive:
- It will all work out eventually
- It will happen when you stop trying
- You should just try adoption
- IVF is not natural
- God did not want you to have a family
For all the future mums that are trying to have a family but can’t at the moment, I feel your pain. Things will work out if you are patient. It is hard to see it now, but life is teaching you valuable lessons that will make you a stronger person. Good luck, I’m rooting for you!