Want To Learn More About About How To Communicate Better During IVF?

When you go through IVF treatment, it is inevitable that you will fight. It is almost unavoidable. The pressure of not being able to have a family can become too much for many couples. My IVF experience was horrible. It was not just the treatment that was difficult but the fights that we had were horrendous.

How To Communicate Better During IVF
How To Communicate Better During IVF


We both said some really nasty things to each other and pushed each other away. Since infertility, I have read a lot of interesting books about communication. One book in particular has helped me a lot, it is Nonviolent Communication by Marshall RosenbergI wish that I had read it during IVF treatment. It would have helped me to understand my wife better and not react so badly when we fought.

Here Are 5 Tips To Help You Communicate Better During IVF

1How To Communicate Better During IVF? Say Less

When you have a fight about infertility then try to say less. Even if your partner says harsh things that hurt your pride try to just listen without reacting. This is really hard to do but it will help you to avoid the fight escalating.

While your partner is talking, instead of reacting and going on the defensive, try to understand why she is acting that way. Having empathy and trying to understand her needs will help you to avoid a full scale war. Ask your partner what her needs are and what you can do to meet them.

Most people don’t explain their needs. Instead, they blame other people for their situation. The argument can be defused when you say less. Try to be compassionate and understand what needs are not being met.

The fight can turn from a negative into a constructive conversation. Understanding each others needs and why you are acting in certain way will help you to strengthen your relationship.

How To Communicate Better During IVF

2How To Communicate Better During IVF? Don’t blame

We all find it really hard not to blame others when we are arguing. When something goes wrong it is human nature to blame someone else. I am as guilty as anyone for quickly blaming my wife when she acts in a way that causes us to fight.

It takes two to tango. If your wife says something that offends or hurts you then how you react is your responsibility. It is easy to play a pointless game of tit for tat. For example, if your wife says “you never X” and you respond with, “well that is because you never Y”. This then turns into a game of insult tennis that gets more and more heated until someone explodes.

Men react in one of two ways in a fight, we go turbo aggressive or we totally disengage and leave the room or sometimes the house. Neither of these reactions resolve the situation. Instead of trying to understand each other, we leave disagreements hanging. These disagreements may never get resolved.

Unresolved arguments build up over time. These little resentments are left to fester and can turn into a giant monster. Instead of blaming each other you need to have level headed difficult conversations. You need to talk about your needs that are not being met.

3How To Communicate Better During IVF? Don’t compare

Comparing your wife, relationship or infertility to anyone else is pointless. We live in an age of constant comparison. We regularly compare our lives to other peoples. Social media envy is real and it is very toxic.

If you are fighting during IVF and are comparing your marriage to some happy couple that you see on instagram then you are destined for failure. Noting good comes from comparing your life to some filtered portrayal that you see on facebook.

4How To Communicate Better During IVF? Don’t insult

When you go through IVF treatment there is a lot of stress and pressure. In the heat of the moment it is easy to say harsh things to your partner. During IVF treatment, I have insulted my wife and she has insulted me.

From my experience, IVF fights can get really heated. There are times when you might say something that you regret. Do your best to refrain from insulting your wife. Even if she says something that hurts you, don’t respond by insulting her.

We often say things in the heat of the moment that we later regret. Things are hard enough without insulting each other.

5How To Communicate Better During IVF? Don’t Try To Solve Everything

My natural reaction to any problem is to look for a solution. I try not to waste time dwelling on my problems but rather look for way to fix them. This attitude is great for some situations but it does not work well in my relationship.

One of the biggest lessons that I learned from our IVF fights was to just listen. When Olivia came to me with her problems, I used to always try and come up with a solution. Now, when she comes to me with her problem, I refrain coming up with a solution.

I try to listen, show empathy and let her offload what is bothering her. Listening without trying to come without a solution is so hard for me to do. Just listening without solving would have saved us a lot very painful arguments.

Final Thoughts On How To Communicate Better During IVF

Fights are unavoidable when you are going through IVF. It is one of the most testing times of your life. Disagreements are part of every relationship. Effective communication can help you to settle these disagreements quicker.

Find out your partners needs, listen and don’t insult her. Better communication will help to decrease the frequency and severity of the inevitable IVF fights.

Thanks for reading. I would love to hear your thoughts on how to communicate better during IVF.

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