I used to think that you would never be a mother. An open letter to my wife on her first Mother’s Day.

This blog post is an actual letter that I wrote to my wife for her first Mother’s Day.

Dearest Olivia,

It has been a while since I have written you a letter, and what better time to do it than on your first Mother’s Day as an actual real life mother. Do you remember when we both lived and worked and Dublin? I would regularly post hand written love letters to your work. Do you still have them? Being such fan of nostalgia, I would say the answer is yes. This is a throwback to those days when writing a letter was how the cool cats would communicate. That and carrier pigeons were how the real fly guys would correspond. Those letters I wrote you were filled with padding, poor jokes, and the occasional compliment. As you can see, not much has changed.

What journey we have been on over the last 10 years, 8 months and 11 days. That is 3906 days or 77 dog years together. It has not all been fun and games. To say that we have been through ups and downs would be an understatement. As you always remind me when I say “what a good husband I have become” and you always retort “you were not always so good, remember the time ……..”. I know I have made mistakes and still do to this day, but I am trying hard to be the best husband and father that I can be. I know that I am doing a good job being a father and husband, but I fall down in the following areas:

  1. Listening
  2. Not being interested in gossip
  3. Cleaning
  4. Trying to solve your problems instead of just being understanding
  5. Attention to detail
  6. Trying to do too many things at once
  7. Paperwork

I am filled with flaws and imperfections and I’m doing my best to work on my many weaknesses. Hopefully, the things that I do well make up for all of the things that I do badly in the relationship.

The last 6 months is by far the happiest that I have ever seen you. You keep putting yourself down and saying that you have let yourself go, but that could not be further from the truth. In my eyes, you are more radiant and beautiful than ever. Being a mother really suits you. From very early on in our relationship, I knew that you were born to be a mother. You don’t know this, but I would often watch you and say to myself “you will be a great mother some day”. Whenever you interacted with children you positively lit up, and you would communicate with them in such a soft and touching way. Any children that were graced with your presence instantly took a shine to you.

The fact that you were destined to be a mother made it even harder for me when I found out that I was infertile. I felt inadequate and less of a man, but the hardest part was that I was stealing your dreams of having a family from you. This ate me up inside. When it was suggested that we try ICSI, I saw a way out of this seemingly unconquerable situation. If it meant that we could have a family then we had to try it. Little did we know, how hard that journey would actually be. After two horrific years of fighting infertility, the impossible became possible.

I know that you are as grateful as I am that we now have Max and Mathilda. Is it possible that our appreciation for our babies is even greater because we have been through such a hard time? It took so much more work and commitment than it does for the average couple to have a family. The whole IVF journey nearly broke us, but in the end, it brought us closer together and made us much stronger. It fills me with pride and happiness to call you my wife and now the Mother of my children.

Happy Mother’ Day!

Love you!

James

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